Homeless Summer

Just because some lovely people have been checking on me, I want to tell a little story:

I am fortunate enough to live in a city that can house homeless families and provide avenues to housing, employment, and childcare. I had to be out of the shelter each morning by 7 am, which is earlier than Ava's daycare starts. So I fill my time with sitting in coffee shops, taking Ava on walks, or going for a drive.

For the last month I have been homeless, by choice I left Arizona because it was literally driving me crazy during the pandemic: paranoid, imagining parasites on my itchy, dry skin, invasive thoughts, fears of being taken or controlled... I came to Colorado hoping for some support from my family but it seems everyone is tight on resources. I've been stressed the last couple weeks because all of the housing was going so fast, I couldn't get an application in before someone else! I would use some vices to get my mind off it or I would obsess: smoking, drinking. I had to pickup Ava and be back at the shelter by 6 pm, in for the night, can't leave for the rest of the night until morning.

At one point last week, Ava started asking daily, "mom, can we go home?" and it made me feel even more helpless. "Ava, I'm sorry, we don't have a home right now." She and I both needed the safe space, our own space.

Finally, I got an application approved for an apartment so I could move in with Ellie! It was hard and I never want to do that again, but being without a home was probably part of the journey. Like I said before, my roots needed trimming so I can grow healthy ones where my soul is truly fed. Going into this apartment will be a ceremony, a declaration of my personal power to choose my path and not for the sake of social norms or approval. My desires outweigh my social status: walking/biking Ava to school and myself to work, close to the great outdoors, being the best mom I can be, saving money to go on adventures, and living minimalistically.

I am breaking the chains, come with me to freedom.