Invitation to Clarity

Clarity comes in waves

No--it comes between waves,

That stillness in between.

The grace before the next beating

Is my short allotment to breathe

Sometimes I can even open my eyes

To look for the next wave coming!

Other times it hits so fast, it's disorienting

I forget the clarity I once had

This time, I opened my eyes

And here is what I saw:

The upheaval is within me

It's not just the greedy, power-hungry men

I see on the screen...

Being underwater is like swimming in reactivity

To what these men are doing

To the danger they represent

To the hate they fuel

The upheaval is within me

It's my own conditioning

Up for divine reckoning

Is this how we want to continue?

Coming up for air is like remembering that internal upheaval

I'm resilient

I've done this before

Somewhere in my instincts

In my very DNA holds

Knowledge of my Power

To survive

But not ONLY to survive

I have the power

To endure

To plan

To execute

To be strategic

So as I come up for air

I am finding a rhythm in the waves

I'm learning how to dodge the hits of Chaotic Waves

By

Going

Deeper

Into the Ocean,

the most powerful source of

Creation

and

Destruction

It's an invitation to look within my own depths

Did I fall (or jump) off the ship named United States of America?

I'm treading water because

I want to separate myself from a system which set me up for failure

Is there still a greedy, power-hungry hook in me?

What part of my life is led

by Power

by Greed

by a sense that I can never have enough

Status

Accolades

Income

by a belief that I can simply "work" my way into

Excess wealth

Influence

Love

I see myself in these powerful men

Wanting to create an exciting future

Surrounded by intelligent people who will make our lives brighter

Wanting to be a powerful leader

Wholeheartedly trusting that people will agree with whatever I say

Because that is what "powerful men" wanted...

They are not separate from our own consciousness.

They are simply exaggerated forms of our collective agreements.

And yes, we agree to exploitation every day that we participate in this system.

We agree to authoritarian hierarchy every day that we participate in this system.

I was taught to applaud the myth of the "self made man"

While blind to the violent authoritarian structure of this country

We like to think Nazi Germany as the peak of humanity's evil,

But they simply learned from American values:

There were an estimated 50-100 million First Nations peoples in North America before Columbus arrived

Now there are 230K

After countless Indian wars, legislation for Indian Removals, and rewards for massacres with scalps as proof for how many you killed (yes they'll tell you in grade school that it was the Indian Savages who were scalping, no it was the colonizers)

And of course the African slaves who endured wretched abuse

All in the name of Empire Expansion

Our country's creation had no reverence for human rights,

It was built on:

Extraction

Genocide

Slavery

Deceit

There is an invitation inherent in learning about this: To recognize that my entire way of life

Is built on on Indian Grave

I am cursed by the haunting past

Until we make it right

The invitation is to recognize:

My very way of life is the product of proud genocide

History books speaking of White Male Heroes and "Discovery" of the land

I must recognize that I don't know any better

I have a distorted sense of history

I have a distorted sense of economy

I have a distorted sense of self

I do not benefit from this distortion, which defines me as follows

"white"

"woman"

"low income"

I am more than this

My culture is one of extraction and dominance,

led by a dragon-hoarding mindset, by

A closed club of psychopaths

Who view me in purely utilitarian ways

To be useless to them

Is the new standard

So I tread water

And make friends with the curse

And learn